You know what really grinds my gears? Those “helpful” suggestions in magazines like: “Instead of eating pepperoni pizza, why not have a rice cake with string cheese, sliced tomato and one teaspoon of bacon bits? Why not? Because a rice cake, which is god awful in and of itself, topped with cheese that has the taste and consistency of plastic, is misery incarnate. Even with bacon bits(!) That’s why not.
Just the other day, I found the mother suggestion of them all: Instead of French Fries, slice up some parsnips; spritz with non-stick cooking spray, sprinkle with salt and pepper and bake for 30 minutes. Yup. That should do it. Craving quashed.
Hyperbole also gets my undies in a twist. I just read somewhere that hearts of romaine is “chock-full of vitamin C.” A quick internet search reveals that six leaves offer a mere 4% of the USRDA for vitamin C--not exactly “chock full of” proportions.
But what really chaps my rear is poor customer service. And in the last few weeks, I have run into some stunning examples of it. But rather than bitching about how mean everyone is to me, I am going to accentuate the positive. So here, the Notorious NYCK hit list of my best customer service experiences, ever. (Clearly, hyperbole is fine when it comes from me.)
murad.com: Your products arrive super fast— roughly three days--with free samples in mini- tubes or bottles instead of those creepy paper packettes that get all wet and slimy when you try to use them. Plus, there’s always gift-with-purchase and free-shipping offers depending on how much you spend and what products you buy.
nordstrom.com: I had been lusting over an Autumn Cashmere cropped cardigan since before Christmas and it finally went on sale last week. But the site no longer had my size. Bastards! The customer ratings all said that it “ran really small.” So against my better judgment, I ordered the medium. I am seldom, if ever, a medium. When the sweater was delivered, I was so overjoyed at how freaking cute it was, I cut the tags off and threw out the prepaid return label even before I tried it on. I recognize this is not the behavior of a sane person. But awareness is the first step to recovery, right? Not surprisingly, the sweater was too big and had to go back. But the gracious customer service rep emailed me a new return label in a matter of minutes and assured me I could make the return without the tags attached. (I put them in the box.) BTW, all shipping and returns at nordstrom.com are free.
Tiffany in Union Square, San Francisco: The lovely salesgirl let me return a necklace that was given to me a year ago without a gift receipt or any evidence of the sale in the system, since the item was still in “saleable condition” and in the original blue box and shopping bag.
piperlime.com: Neurotic woman that I am, 30 minutes after I placed an order, I changed my mind about it. The website clearly states, however, that you cannot change or cancel an order once you hit the “confirm” button. But to my surprise and delight, the customer service rep on the phone gave me the jeans in question at 50% off to “make it up to me.”
bluefly.com: Just one day after I ordered a sweater, it went on sale. Chalking it up to bad timing and not expecting much of anything, I called customer service and explained the situation. Lo and behold, Bluefly makes price adjustments up to 10 days after a transaction.
tweezerman.com: Tweezerman amazingly sharpens any Tweezerman tweezers for free. Just slip a clean pair into a padded envelope and mail to its New York headquarters. The site states that it takes six-to-eight weeks for the process. Unfortunately it took a good 10 weeks for me to get mine back, which is a dangerous thing for a girl on Tamoxifen since the always-glamorous chin hairs are a common side effect. So I had to hit the Walgreens and purchase another Tweezerman tweezers in the interim. But my refurbished tweezers arrived this week, all four of them, beautifully sharpened and neatly lined up in a clear plastic case with their ends capped to preserve their points. The best part? The company picked up the tab for the return shipping and sent me a package of purple “itty bitty” nail files as a gift. All is forgiven Tweezerman! Ciao for now my friends. Stay happy and healthy.